Photo by Pierre Leclerc
Are you "just a girl who can't say no?"
Have you ever had this experience?:
One day you have a “bad day” and the next, a “good day.” But when you analyze it more closely, nothing’s changed:
Now we simply have to cultivate this habit. Make it conscious!
I say simply but simple isn’t always easy! So how can we make this easier?
Do you like to play games? Great! Then let’s play a game here, instead of making ourselves wrong for feeling lousy.
The first thing you have to do, is buy a magic wand.
What?! You heard me right. Go to the toy store and I guarantee you, you’ll find a magic wand. Or better yet, you can make yourself a magic wand. You remember what they look like. I know you do! (Mine has a star on the top, with lots of gold glitter!”
Now, carry that wand with you at all times (or have one at work and one at home!) and every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought,
STOP – grab your wand - and say outloud, “Abracadabra – away with you, negative thought!” Then I want you to cancel that negative thought by saying outloud, “Cancel! Cancel!”
Don’t forget to wave your wand as you do this!
If you feel a little silly doing this, it might even make you laugh…and I dare you to feel negative and laugh at the same time!
Why outloud? And why wave the wand? Because we pay more attention when we verbalize something and when we feel it in our bodies. We integrate it better. We are calling that negative little voice out! We are making it conscious.
Now what? Once you are aware of that negative thought you just had, immediately focus on something good! It doesn’t have to be anything related to the present moment – just something that makes you feel good:
Your turn! What makes you feel good? What makes you smile?
What makes your Heart sing?
Warning! When you do this, you may find that suddenly, like magic, everything is OK!
Want more magic tricks? Let’s talk!
I believe that our life moves through cycles, just like nature does. After all, we ARE part of nature. We go through ebbs and flows, just like the ocean. Through seasons, just like the weather. We have ups and downs.
Last week I was in a definite DOWN. I am in the middle of the third coach training I have taken. I am always looking to improve my coaching skills. This particular course is really intense, in the sense that it involves a lot of self-reflection and I get to coach and BE coached weekly. One of the requirements is to do “buddy coaching.” I get to experience again, how powerful coaching is – from the coach’s side and from the coachee’s side.
When it was my turn to be coached this week, I knew I was a bit emotional. The day before, I had had a good cry, over something totally unrelated to my real issue. When I first started crying, I was upset about something that was out of my control (the delivery of an important package, if you can believe it!) That was the first clue that there was something deeper going on! Really?! Crying over a package? But I couldn’t help it – I needed to cry. So I let myself cry. That’s when I realized that what was really going on was much deeper. I was feeling “not good enough”, and I was afraid I would fail at building my coaching business. Who was I to think that I had something to offer people?! Who was I to think I could make a difference in people’s lives?! (all this, despite lots of evidence to the contrary!)
That’s when my buddy coach asked me the magic question: “How would you be different if you believed in yourself?” … silence on my part while I pondered the question.
“I would be calm. I would be able to see what I need to do and simply do it. I wouldn’t be distracted by all my negative thoughts. I might even start enjoying myself!”
That begged the next question…this one I came up with on my own. "Great idea, but HOW do I believe in myself?! I clearly don’t, right now.”
As I pondered this question, I thought about what a belief is. If I KNOW I can do something already, it’s not a belief. It’s a fact.
A belief, on the other hand, is not based on fact, necessarily. Who can prove that God exists? Or that we reincarnate after we leave this life? Where’s the proof? What if the Wright Brothers had not believed it was possible for man to fly? Or land on the moon for that matter!
So, did I need proof to believe in myself? Was I striving to do something I already knew exactly how to do? No. I was stretching myself to new heights, learning new things, doing things I’d never done before. Did I need to be “perfect” to believe in myself? (as in, come up with PROOF?) No.
I could simply choose to believe in myself. No proof. No evidence. No need to be perfect! (what a relief!)
So, the next time you experience “low tide” so to speak, I invite you to simply watch the process and BELIEVE that you are enough, exactly as you are – knowing that the high tide will return.
Then, climb onto your raft and let it carry you to new destinations and dreams.
You simply have to believe in yourself - and then - build yourself a raft.
Are you ready to start building that raft?
Years ago (19 years to be precise), when we lived in Hawaii, I had my first mid-life crisis. I decided I could no longer be a carpenter (I was 42, had had shoulder surgery, and realized that I couldn’t go on building houses forever.)
Question: What now?
Answer: Go back to school to study Interior Design – after all, it was the creative process I loved about carpentry! I could design things instead of building them!
Next question: Where shall I study?
Answer: Italy, of course!
Next question: How the heck are we going to sell the houses I built (2 of them) if we haven’t been able to sell even one in the last 7 years?! We had listed the house at two different times, with different realtors. Not a bite! Now we were committed (yes, I had even paid my tuition!)and we had no choice. We had to sell not only one, but two houses!
I still remember the day I was in the kitchen thinking, “What have I done? I have no idea how we are going to sell both houses within 3 months and move to Italy before school starts!” I was excited and scared at the same time. And I truly had no idea how we were going to sell those houses!
Then I did something I don’t do very often. I literally got down on my knees in the kitchen (tile floor, so nice and hard on the knees!) and put my forehead on the floor. I wasn’t exactly praying, in the Christian sense, but I was “covering all the bases” of all the religions and practices I was familiar with…and I said outloud, “God/goddess, All that is, I’m out of ideas. Please help us sell these houses so I can get to school on time.”
I was desperate, but committed.
We were going, no matter what! Even if we had to rent out both houses in the meantime (not a good option to manage a rental from Italy!) Then I got up and hoped for the best!
Two days later, the phone rang, and a woman said, “Hi, my name is Brenda and I stayed at the B&B next door a couple of years ago. At the time they said you had a house for sale. Is it still for sale? I have a friend who is looking.” Well, of course I said yes, come on down! When they arrived, they came into our house first, to get acquainted and then we walked across the property to the other house (which was the one for sale.) He looked at it and then at us and said, “I like your house better. I’d like to buy your house.” We responded that we couldn’t sell ours first, move into the second house and wait till it sold, before moving to Italy. We had to sell the other house first. It was tempting, but we stood our ground. They left, and with them our hopes…
A week later, he called back. In the interim, he had convinced his friend Brenda, that she needed to buy the other house, so they could share the property. He would buy our house. They offered our asking price and we closed without a realtor, saving the commission as well! All within 6 weeks!
It was a lot of work selling and shipping stuff, but I made it to school on time!
So, the next time you are at the “end of your rope” with no idea how to make your dreams come true, I suggest you commit fully – and then “let Providence move” things for you!
Having trouble getting clarity on what those dreams are? We can figure it out together!
What the heck? Stay with me here…I know it sounds crazy but here’s the story:
Years ago, when I decided I wanted to buy old houses, fix them up and sell them, tons of people said,
“It’s too late. The real estate market has crashed. You can’t make any money doing that anymore.”
These people are part of the famous group called “Nay-sayers.” It doesn’t matter WHAT you decide to do, there will ALWAYS be “Nay-sayers.” They always find all the reasons why it can’t be done, why it’s not a good idea. They have evidence to back this up too. And they really believe that evidence…that’s the key here. THEY BELIEVE THAT EVIDENCE. And in the end they are right! THEY can’t make that happen!
I, on the other hand, am a “YAY-sayer!” I believe that if I state my goal clearly (that’s like programming the GPS) and am committed to that goal, the UNIVERSE will find a way to get me there.
Now back to my story. I decided I wanted to fix up old houses and sell them without a realtor to save the commission.
First step: find an old house to fix up. How to do that? Look in the newspaper…nothing. Look online…nothing. Ask around…nothing.
Next step: ask the Universe for help. I know it sounds crazy and I still feel a little silly when I say things like, “God, Goddess, All that is, please find me a great house to fix up at a great price, without a realtor.” But I admit it…I did it. Nothing. Oh well, it was worth a try.
Not much later, I was on a walk in my little town and heard a dog crying, really crying, like it was in pain. I love animals, so of course I followed its cries until I found it. It was a beautiful husky, tied up in its yard and had somehow managed to wrap its paw up in the rope so tightly that it clearly hurt a LOT and it couldn’t get free on its own. So I approached it carefully, in case it was scared and aggressive. But instead it looked at me pleadingly and I immediately went to work to free its paw. I got lots of kisses and felt wonderful that I had helped this gorgeous creature!
I decided to go by the next day to see how the dog was doing. This time the owner was at home, so I rang the bell and explained what had happened the day before. He was very grateful. I couldn’t help but look over his shoulder into the entryway…man, this would be a perfect fixer-upper! And right at that moment he explained that he wasn’t home much because he was in the process of moving and that’s why the dog was tied up. Bingo! Was the house his? No, but his landlord was super nice and anxious to sell. This just kept getting better!
Next step: meet with the landlord and make a deal with owner financing (no realtor AND no bank involved!) This was even better than I had hoped for!
Next step: fix up the house (this is the really FUN part for me!)
Next step: find a buyer and sell the house without a realtor. How? NO IDEA! But I was really clear that I didn’t want a realtor involved, so I went ahead with the renovations.
I still remember the day I was in the kitchen, finishing up the counters, when I heard a voice say “Hello? Anybody home?” I came into the hall to find a well-dressed woman looking around curiously. She asked for a tour and then she said, “It’s like you chose the colors for me! Are you doing the work? Is the house for sale? How much do you want?” Well, I hadn’t even thought about a price yet, but, off the top of my head I said, “$185,000.”
“Done!” she said. And it really was! We closed within the week, once again, without a realtor and she got a bank loan with no problem!
So, the next time you find yourself "Nay-saying" – or believing – “it can’t be done” I invite you reprogram your thinking to: “It CAN be done” and then program the GPS with “I want YOU FILL IN THE BLANK” and then give the Universe a chance to get you to your destination.
It will often not be the route you were expecting, but you programmed the GPS – and it will get you there - or somewhere even better!
PS – Another key ingredient here is:
You have to DO something! – don’t just sit there wishing.
You have to DRIVE the car or the GPS doesn’t work!
Ready to program YOUR GPS?
If you're ready to go from bored to bodacious, you've come to the right place!
© COPYRIGHT 2015. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. * Mountain photo by Cecilia Mortenson ACMG/IFMGA Mountain Guide/CAAL2aspiremountainjourneys.com