We all have things we want to change about ourselves. And usually we call these things “bad habits”. We make ourselves wrong for doing them. I am no exception.
I’ve decided to try a new approach to changing my “bad” habits. It goes something like this:
What if these “bad habits” were simply “habits”? Neither bad nor good – “just” habits. Maybe there would no longer be such an emotional charge around them. Maybe we could simply observe them and decide whether or not they serve us or not. And then, having observed a behavior, and decided it does not serve us, we could simply decide to change it into one that DOES serve us.
Sounds easy, right? And the good news is, it is possible. But it takes commitment. How much commitment? Well, according to studies, it takes 66 days to change a habit (I know, I know – they USED to say it only takes 21 days!) Oh well – I think I can do 2 months.
So, here is MY commitment to myself and to anyone reading this:
For the next 2 months, whenever my partner does something that annoys me (we have been together for 30 years, so there are just a few things that annoy me - haha!), instead of focusing on what annoys me, I will focus on a trait in her that I adore. Because I know I love her and if that annoying little thing she does weren’t in my life, that would mean that SHE wouldn’t be in my life! And it is not lost on me here, that I am not asking HER to change HER annoying habit. I can’t change her. I can only change MYSELF.
So, for the next 60 days, instead of changing a “bad” habit, I will be cultivating a new habit of focusing on what I love about my partner.
That sounds a LOT more pleasant than making myself wrong for being annoyed with my partner!
My challenge to YOU is, what new habit are YOU going to cultivate?